Tag Archives: NVC

Looking for support to join the International Intensive Training(IIT) of Nonviolent Communicaton(NVC) in Srilanka. 

Dear Friends, There is an IIT happening from July 26 to August 4, 2017, in Srilanka and I intend to join it. The learning from here will deepen my understanding of NVC and support me in my work on sharing NVC back home. I have been offering NVC and this time I just want to go in a place where I can focus on my deepening of NVC. To know more about the program see http://www.cnvc.org/iit/2017-sri-lanka-iit

I am writing this to seek financial support of Rs 43,000 (670 US$) to Join it and would like to share why being here is important for me. This would cover my travel and contribution for the program. I am sharing my expense sheet  for transparency https://goo.gl/wsHA79,   If you need any clarification please write to me at shamminanda@gmail.com.

This IIT is  special for me not just for the trainers who are coming but I have a sense of connection with the Srilanka NVC community as I have been there twice to offer NVC trainings and I would be knowing a lot of people coming for the IIT. I would like people in this subcontinent to make alliance and support each other. See more about my sharing in Srilanka at https://goo.gl/yJiNtJ,  https://goo.gl/kXaRRj and https://goo.gl/EoUvFHI


Sharing NVC with Ben, Ramanusha, Fazal, Sivantha and Priya

I also appreciate the work of Jim and Jory, especially their Matrix about ‘Pathways to Liberation’. I have grown a lot in my nvc practice after seeing this work. I have heard a lot about them and would like to spend time with them.

I have learnt a lot from Katherine, especially on engaging with power and moving away from power over to power with. I have also learnt valuable work from her on healing old pain and have offered it to support other people.

I also feel connected to Ramanusha, as we have offered NVC trainings together where she was a co trainer and translation support and we share the vision of bringing NVC to people from all sections of the society and those in conflict situation. I have lot to learn from her on this kind of work as she is experienced with sharing NVC in areas of conflict.

srilanka group

Sharing NVC at farm, hosted by Trudy and Sion. 

Sabine, is also coming, who is working on community supported certification processes, which is also my interest as I have been working on challenges that arise from degrees and certification while want to create more wholesome ways for evaluating  the knowledge, skills and integrity of people who share NVC and the way they do it. Besides I have shared platform with her and co-facilitated Restorative Circles.

We also have Dunia Hategekimana from Rwanda. I see that I would like to understand how he sees the context of his regions and how it impacts his ways of sharing and practicing NVC and its form. I see a sense of shared past with Africa, and this is the first time I would be meeting a person from Africa and of colour who is a certified NVC trainer and would like to know about his challenges.

I would also like to share with the people there about the work that Ahimsagram is doing in India and want to invite people to be with us. Besides, we are also offering a training with Miki Kashtan in Jan 2018 on Transforming Organisations Through Collaborative Processes, and I would like to share about the offering so they can understand better in order to make an informed choice about joining us. This will also deepen the learning of NVC in this region and build stronger bonds.


Once you transfer the money or want to transfer it, please write to me at my mail id shamminanda@gmail.com

You could transfer the money through Paytm at +91-9486083163 or

to my bank account here:

Acct Holder: Shammi Nanda, 

Bank & Branch Name: ICICI Bank, Johari Bazaar, Jaipur

Acc No.: 031501000505


PAN Card No.: ACTPN8435D

Looking forward to the needed support from those who have a shared vision with me and would like to see it flourish and would like to contribute to make it happen.
Shammi Nanda

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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Gift Culture, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), NVC, Restorative Circles, Uncategorized

NVC Mohalla at Jaipur


‘NVC Mohalla’ invites you to join the first Practice group on Nonviolent Communication(NVC) in Jaipur at my new home cum community space on this Sunday the 17th April, 16. This will be a place where we practice challenging situation in our lives with support of NVC and learn ways to deal with them in a compassionate and authentic way. To know more about NVC go to https://goo.gl/y7IDUs and www.cnvc.org

After the practice group we will have a vegetarian potluck lunch where each of us brings our tiffins to share it with each other. We will also put our hearts and minds to see how we can take NVC to different areas of Jaipur and in other cities.

This practice group comes our from my deeper vision of having a compassionate, peaceful, Joyful and harmonious world,  where consent is the core principle and each person is heard and have a sense that their needs matter to the community. I would want us to express ourselves safely and fully while caring for each other. Where, if we have disconnects, we can have support from friends and community who help us listen to each other deeply and find the way ahead.

To support all this vision some of us are launching an initiative called ‘NVC Mohalla’, where we intend to create spaces of learning and deepening of Nonviolent Communication(NVC) in different parts of Jaipur.

If you intend to come please RSVP by sms to me at 9486083163.

Flow of the day is as follows.

10 am to 1 pm – Practice of Nonviolent Communication

1 pm to 2 pm – Potluck Vegetarian Lunch

2 pm to 5 pm – Meeting to plan the way forward for NVC Mohalla in Jaipur.

Venue: 36C, D Block, Model Town, Near Malviya Nagar, Jaipur.

Look forward to seeing some of you.



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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Uncategorized

Consent decision making with adults and kids in the same circle is easy with Sociocracy!

This time when we were doing the ‘No Blame Zone’ Workshop in Jaipur, two kids age 12 had also joined us. It was my decision to allow kids as one of the participants had asked if they can bring their kids of 12 years age and I said – yes, as long as they feel excited to be there they can be in the workshop and they are free to leave when they want to go.


During the workshop some one questioned the idea of having kids and adults together in the same Nonviolent Communicaiton (NVC) workshop. He proposed that if we really want the kids to learn NVC we need to do two different workshops, one for the kids and one for the adults. He didn’t want the kids to hear the challenges of adults as he believed that it will make them mature much before their age, and he was in general concerned and said that kids are losing their childhood today. While he shared his suggestion some of the other participants differed with him and wanted the kids to be there.

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During the discussion I realized that some of us were getting charged and only few people were speaking and a majority was silent. I suggested that we hear all voices before we decide any thing. So, I proposed that we use a consent process based on Sociocracy to figure out what we want to do as a group. In that we were first sharing our concerns and in the first round where every one was heard one after the other. There were lot of divergent viewpoints and as we began to hear each one once again in the second round people began to get affected by what they had heard from others in the frist round. Some one said that she would want to share about her marital issues and she would not feel comfortable with the kids around and her being in the workshop will not be as meaningful as she had expected it to be. The father of one of the kids said that he would want his kid to hear about the issues which adults face as this would be a place where his kid will learn about dealing with such challenges when they grow up. One man said that as a kid he used to make plans to kill his step mother and even thoughts of committing suicide at one point in his life. Luckily he didn’t do any of that and he so wished there was some education and support to deal with such difficult situations in his childhood as that would have avoided much of his suffering. So for him such opportunities for kids can be extremely meaningful. Besides some one said that as a man the kid will grow in a way that he will be more sensitive to the issues and concerns of women when he hears the challenges being shared by some women in the group here. One of the kids also said that he would like to have 90 percent weightage in deciding about his life and ten percent to be left to his guardians and was wanting to have a say on the issue of presence of the kids here. In fact his father, was also fine with him staying there, and also asked the other participants to understand that any thing that they think is fit for the his consumption to be seen as fine for his kid to hear it.


At one point some one even suggested that if an adult feels that they want to share some thing which they don’t feel comfortable they can ask the kids to leave, to that the kid objected and said that he is ok with a request but it cant be a demand. So we finally agreed that – “adults share what they want to share while the kid and their guardian mutually decide if its fit for them to hear it and if its not they go out for a walk and play for some time, till the issue is being discussed”.


It was unique in the sense that it was an issue of inclusion of kids in a conversation which was seen as meant for adults only by some people but we included in the discussion about their inclusion. I too believe that we need to make a world where we value ‘kids’ as capable of having a mind of their own and their needs also matter equally. To believe that the need for autonomy for a kid is same as that of the adult even if their strategies are different.

Besides when we went through a Sociocratic decision making process we see that opinions change when we hear each other and the proposal gets evolved as we include everyone’s wisdom in the decision making process. We also see that its important to make a safe space to hear objections and when we do so we can see the wisdom behind them and integrate it in the proposal.

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I am now more convinced to offer NVC workshops for children too. More so I enjoyed how the kids in the workshop were able to empathise and pick up the process with so much ease. I would avoid offering it to the kids till now as I was not sure if they will be coming out of choice or just because adults have asked them so as I want them to come out of their own desire to learn. Now after the experience this time I would like to offer more of my workshops to kids or rather I have some offers to do so and I will be more open and excited to doing workshops with them. Looking forward to sharing and learning NVC with children. Thanks to the parents and the kids who decided to come for this workshop in Jaipur.

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“Should pain be always painful?” Feedbacks from Viji, Mumbai

Here is some feedback or rather appreciations from Viji who attended my NVC workshop in Mumbai – ‘Getting Fluent with Compassionate Communication’ on 8th and 9th April., 2015. I am amazed at how much a person can get in three days and then each person would have got what resonated with them. I am grateful to all those who have contributed to my learning which has enabled me to share this knowledge to my fellow community members in different cities. It was amazing to see her lead some one else through a dance floor around the issues of money. I can see very soon there will be many people sharing NVC in India and thats my grand plan also….


Viji’s Pic

Dear Shammi,

Here are some of the leanings that touched me in the 3 days workshop we had in Mumbai last week.

1) A chance to witness Sociocracy in action has created a deep desire in me to learn more about it. Sociocracy has been on my mind constantly since your visit this time. I can envisage it bringing beautiful transformations in decision making in both social (family , friends, children etc) and corporate scenarios. I love ‘good enough for now and safe enough to try’ more appealing than most efficient solution.

2) Seeing the care in someone’s criticism and more importantly seeing my care for the other person when I criticize some one. I still react the way I normally react at that moment but I’m able to catch myself post facto. As a result, there is no holding of grudge when some one has criticized me and also I don’t get into guilt trip after I have criticized some one in the spur of the moment. The next step would be to be able to now start verbalising the care I have for others and make sure it reaches others.
3) Being mindful of the fact the empathy goes upwards with great difficulty. I liked what you shared from Miki’s wisdom. I’m also noticing that when I find it really hard to empathise with someone I’m perceiving or seeing as having more power than me or others around them.


4) Being mindful of whether I’m getting a true ‘yes’ and to make sure that there isn’t a ‘No’ hidden in the yes, more so when I have some kind of power in the space.

5) Also your sharing on Ken Wilbur’s four quadrants about Inner-Outer/Personal Collective has created curiosity in me. I intend to spend more time digging deeper and understanding this concept.

6) I’m trying to articulate more interdependent needs in my requests. Actually, making requests has become easier this way. When I expressed only my needs there was sort of a discomfort I used to feel strange in my heart somehow. I also feel more at home when my expressions and requests take into account the needs of the other(s)


7) I’m also loving introspecting on two of my deeper limiting beliefs ; Why should all my choices lead to happiness? Should pain be always painful? Why cant I learn to sit with pain some times and not be scared of it or why do we have such a strong desire to be always ‘happy’. I wish to do the dance floor we practiced for this. I haven’t found time yet.

8) While using distraction as a strategy with my daughter Ria , I’m making habit of attending her underlying need at a later point. I used to do this earlier but there is more mindfulness now.

9) I liked it when Sudha pointed out how walking on paper of the dance floor made her uncomfortable. I guess it’s a cultural thing for us to not put our feet on written word or ‘vidya’. It was a reminder for me to be mindful of things I might take for granted.

I also enjoyed what you shared from your conversation from the NVC trainer Vivet Alevi from Turkey – “All relationships are cross-cultural”. Yes we all have our different journeys, challenges which shape us as who we are. I guess we need to understand that when we engage with others and try to see they too have their own story depending on their past.


Some things that I want to work on future –

1. I got a very small taste of ‘Focusing’ but that’s too less for me and I want to learn it at a later point.
2. Sociocracy (please put me in touch with James , I will see if Geeta and I can organise a workshop here in Mumbai )
3.  And of course lot more NVC and lot more of time with you too. I really love the way you hold the NVC space.

I’m also excited about the ‘Mumbai NVC Hangout’, which is the new name for a space to practice NVC for our community in Mumbai.

Am also looking forward to being with Kranti and sharing my gifts and learning from them. I am inspired by the work that they are doing.



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Ball of Raw Dried Noodles Mixed With Hot Water!

This is a write up by Shuchita who had attended a day long workshop at Nagpur. I am inspired by her ability to get to the core of NVC in such a short time—

“Yaar! Come on! Why do I have to keep repeating the stuff that I say?! Why do you have to go on cracking jokes?! Don’t you get that I am having a rough morning? And that stupid toe injury of mine made me miss my two days of Karate training? Why do you have to be so jovial and comical around me?” — This is some of the clutter that I was hearing in my head when I last felt disconnected with her, while she  was peacefully sitting next to me and eating her breakfast, unaware of the loud drama that is going in my head.

As I my tape recorder went on, I also heard her voice in my head – “Oh yeah! Can’t you see that I am trying to lighten the mood around here? Why do you have to be sooo grumpy all the time?”

The argument with her, in my head, had been going on for ten solid minutes. It kept getting louder and louder, I really wondered and was amused how my mother sitting so close to me couldn’t hear any of it.


Shuchita, Aparna(Shichita’s Mom) and Me

30 minutes later: The argument kept getting louder and louder….

The noises in the head go on – “Well don’t you understand that I need silence?…..Hang on….Needs! Oh yeah NVC….”, my voice trailed away. Feeling foolish I split myself into two roles and began to see what the NVC Me has to say.

– “Ya, I want to be Fully UNDERSTOOD!”

A faint voice emerges in my system to gently ask me – “You seem really angry with your mom?”

My angry inner voice answers-  DAMN right, I am! I have had a  STUPID bad morning! And that Damn injury hurts! I missed two days of my Karate training in such a crucial period – when the tournament is just round the corner! And just when I wanted some peace and quiet she went ahead and cracked that joke! Ok fine, you cracked a joke! But why does she have to repeat all the stuff in the joke and make it so damn long?”

And my tape recorder went on until I was mad at everything under the sun… Then came a moment when my tape recorder was fully heard – ‘POOF!’- my anger melted! And an odd feeling of light headedness, the kind that one gets right after getting clubbed on the head, took over….and I moved back on to part two of the NVC conversation: It was about looking at the other person’s beautiful need/s. Actually I let go the desire to have expressed my own need, that’s because I my own I heard the clutter in the head, as a result my needs were not so demanding any more.  So my need for silence got a bit chilled out.

NVC me: Now, do you feel fully understood?

Me(who is now no longer angry) says: Yesss! I DO feel fully understood.

NVC me: I hope you have found ways to fulfil  your needs?

Me: Yes! I mean that I don’t need silence anymore….the need sort of…evaporated.

NVC me: Ok…now that you no longer need silence and you’re not angry either, are you willing to empathise with mom’s needs and try to meet them?

Smiling me: Yes…

…and I survive one more moment in life when we are thrown into disconnections and the drama around it.


Shuchita at the NVC workshop in Nagpur

I came into contact with NVC in August last year. Shammi was at our house and also held a day long workshop in Nagpur. I then also realised that I often tend to form judgments about people’s personality very quickly and without the slightest consideration towards facts. So when the very first time he walked into our tiny apartment I decided that both Shammi and NVC were going to be ineffective, just like some other methods and people we have encountered earlier. I can’t believe how drastically my opinion changed by the end of his two day visit. I kind of unraveled like a ball of raw, dried noodles do, coming in contact with hot water.


Shuchita with friends at the ‘Compassionate Living Retreat’

The ease of communicating with difficult people using NVC is baffling. Now, sometimes when I do a postmortem of a disconnecting conversation which I had with some one…I pick it to its bits and identify the trouble parts and fix them. But it takes time to get a good grip of the concept and this was the first time I managed to communicate using NVC to my satisfaction.

And there it goes….just when I was patting myself on the back for this achievement I instinctively use words filled with demand energy to get mom on to the table for lunch. Guess it does take real lot of effort but it’s totally worth it!





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The Circles and other stuff at Embercombe!

Every morning, after the breakfast,  the Embercombe community gets together near the Dining Yurt for a connecting circle. Some one makes a fire and people huddle close to each other as people are sitting in their thick jackets and caps to keep themselves warm. There is a silence as vapours come out of the mouth when people breathe a, some people are quietly watching the fire as we hear the crackling sounds of the fire and  see smoke coming out to add to the mist. As we sit in silence for some time and I notice my breathing slows down, one person begins to speak whats alive in them and there starts the circle of check in. Everyone has the space to speak and when the circle is over then people begin to talk about the jobs for the day and move on with their respective engagements. I enjoyed this slow getting into the day with the spaciousness to connect to ourselves.


The kitchen as active each day with Yara making breads and others making lunch with Alexendra.  


They make their own breads of all kind, spelt, wheat, etc. Yara also made an amazing Lasagne with Pumpkin slices instead of refined four. They make sure their is options for the vegans also. Alexandra who is the incharge of the kitchen makes space for volunteers to do their own experimentation. The kitchen also has a great sense of co-responsibility where people just come to help each other.

Mick, Roman and others are making mud building and more construction is going on.


Some are working on the permaculture garden, some are repairing a tractor, Fiona is taking care of the Ponies or being with the kids. Every day there are visitors from some place or the other.


Narmia is hosting a basket making workshop for the last few days, She is now planning to go to Scotland to learn how to make coffins with willow, which was a traditional practice in some parts.


They have friends weekends where people come from other cities for a day to get a break from their city life and to connect with the land.

They also have a CSA basket and Dan, who is on the food growing team is passionate about his work.  There are many people who make this community happen and I am glad that there is a space where people in the region can come and connect with land and simple living. 

Once a week home schoolers come to spend the time there and connect with the community. I also shared  two days of NVC with them and made  some deep connections.I also shared Restorative Circles there for three days and we set up a Restorative System there. I enjoyed the communities desire to look at interpersonal relationships and their desire to work with decision making processes there. I am grateful to be having the opportunity to connect with the Embercombe Community in Devon, UK. I am hoping to visit them again some time…

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Filed under Community Building, Conscious Kitchen, Natural Farming, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Restorative Circles, Sustainable Living

How can we allow flowering of individual power and leadership in an egalitarian way in our organisations.

I have worked with various groups and organisation and am often confused about dealing with the idea leadership. On one side I value when I or some one who is taking more initiative and is contributing the group with our leadership and make things happen but at times when I or those leaders make decisions  where all voices don’t seem to have equal or equivalent space for disagreements, it is disturbing for me.  That’s the time either there is de-motivation in the group, some people leave or there are fireworks and fights!

Some times the one who began as a  servant leader,  becomes an authority figure and people kind of negotiate and work around him or her, even manipulate to get their favors and look for his or her consent for everything and give away their power and creativity. Interestingly I have also done the same when I have led things or been a victim of it, so its not a blame on any one but an inquiry to create resilient ‘power with’ and efficient systems in our communities.


An NVC workshop in Chennai

While talking about these issues with James Priest in Devon, UK, I got some clarity which I want to share.

In a group or an organisaton when we don’t decide how things will be decided we often have a default mode and some times there is one person with initiative who does things and people  join him or her and form a group and may call it a ‘movement’. This group also imagines that they share power and even believes that there is no boss and most of them have distaste for top down leadership structures. The leaders hate being seen as a ‘boss’.  All this works well in fair weather but at times of crisis when there are some crucial decisions to be made one person or the one who seemingly or in a real way has some power and privilege in the group is heard more and affects the decisions.


With the staff of Digital Empowerment Foundation in Delhi

I understood that when the leader decides some thing which is in tune with my idea of vision of the group  I was alright with it. But when they took a decision which involved a certain value or deeper policy of the group which I don’t think we had agreed upon  and to see that person make a call on it triggered me. I realize it’s a confusion in the groups where we don’t verbalizing our values and our agreements about ways of meeting those values but assuming that we have an agreement on them. We do this because we don’t think its important to talk of how we decide when we are so busy making decisions as we have the urgency to change the world. In the process we launch are sitting on the same old patterns of relationships which have created the world that we are wanting to change.

In the book Reinventing Organisations, that I just read recently,  the Author Frederic Laloux says that the relationships that we have in our organizations is the reflection of the world we are living in. I believe that in the Marxian sense too it’s the production structures that create production relations and with that there is the super structure. So the way we relate in our groups or even progressive movements is connected to the rest of the world and so is our language also which is so much embedded in it. So I too believe if we want to change the world we need to change our ways of relating each other and need to find skillful and efficient ways of doing it. I am finding some answers in Sociocracy where we need to start with talking about our Values, Mission and Aims and see if we as a group can have a common understanding of them.

In other words there is a functional decision for which one person has been given the power to decide upon but then the person confuses that they have power to make decisions which have a bearing on the policy of the group and do it without the agreement. Its dangerous to confuse functional power with the power to make policy decisions. Its even OK that in emergency the leader makes such decision but are they then willing to share and discuss it with the group and make sure they have agreement on the policy ramifications of their actions. This is the place where we need to look at in our movements and be watchful of to not be lazy and unconsciously give the power to make policy decisions to one person. More so,  I feel sad for those leaders who do it as when people don’t like their work they are matter of gossiping and talked behind their back and when people have the courage to go against them they are overthrown. I guess its important for the well being of the whole group that we are watchful on how we decide things in our movements or organisations.


Offering a workshop to a group of organic farmers on ways of ‘power with’ decision making in Wales.

I believe that most of the groups who even hold the dream of a sustainable world also don’t spend much time on such questions.  When things go wrong they struggle and then either some people leave or the leader is made a scapegoat, blamed and dumped. Either way the and groups break down

I don’t see it as a problem of people but the problem of the lack of structures to work through all this stuff. I would love to be more careful of such issues in the future in the groups that I work with and would like to bring this stuff to light. I am feeling more relaxed about working with challenges in the groups that I am engaged in.

I am glad I am learning about all this through NVC or Restorative Circles or Sociocracy. Grateful to all the opportunities that are coming my way and all my learning from my ‘mistakes’ in the past when I was in Leadership position and made all the messes are also coming in great use.

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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Sociocracy