Here is my way to certify my learning of Nonviolent Communication and my skills to share them.
I believe that the idea of certification and degrees have created ample amount of violence in the world. More so it gave people labels as uneducated or illiterate and marginalized them. It created a new caste of people and the access to them was also restricted in many ways. I hold lot of pain about them and its challenging for me till now to jump towards Certification offered by the Center for Nonviolent Communication. I know that the certification will open lot of paths for me, I also hear that its a co-created process also but still I am resisting it though I have lot of gratitude for Center for Nonviolent Communication and so many CNVC certified trainers who have contributed generously to my learning. I also appreciate their openness to value my skills and contribution and to include me in their community. I am also engaging in a dialogue with the other trainers on it and hope that one day we find a way which ensures the integrity and the skills of people who share NVC.
However till I am healed from the pain of the idea of certification my heart doesn’t allow me to go for it. However, I am also willing to be judged for my skills and I have chosen another strategy for it. I have decided to share the feedbacks from people who attend my workshops. Have heard lot of stories of shifts during my workshops but not collected them systematically.
Now beginning to pick them from my mails and fb to share with you all. Hope people enjoy reading them.
In November 2013, did a workshop on Intro to NVC at Chandigarh, It was organised by Vijaya Singh, who teaches in Chandigarh University.
Here is a note from Aikta Suri who was at the workshop on how it made a difference to her when she went back home. And a pic of her, she has a retreat near Jim Corbett National Park
Just wanted to express my gratitude for having this opportunity to explore NVC with all of you. I spoke with my mother today after some time and I was really able to hear her needs and respond accordingly and it went soooo well!! I cannot express how wonderful it is to be able to approach such an old pattern with a fresh perspective!
Thank you again Shammi for sharing your time, experience and wisdom with all of us. I am truly grateful and hope to continue on this journey…
June 30th, 2014 I hosted a Sharing on Restorative Cirlces in Chennai. Here is a note from our friend Priya Desikan who was present there.
“Had one of the most intense and powerful experiences today, at a teaser of sorts to Restorative Circles….close to four hours of intense listening, reflecting and sharing deeply….tears, joy, celebration, holding each other, being with our collective pain and helplessness, dreaming little-big dreams of connecting and working through conflicts in a community and so much more…truly one of the most enriching experiences I have had in a long long time! Thank you Shammi, Sangeetha, Kokilashree, Anita, Lakshmi and everyone else who was there….and most of all, thanks to my son Raghav, my husband Srinath, my dad, and the great Universe for making this possible today! — feeling blessed.”
Picture from the session on RC at Sangeetha’s Place in Chennai.
Hosted a workshop at The Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Mumbai in for about 20 people in April,2014. Got a beautiful note from Sonal who said that during the workshop she learnt to see the humanity of Hitler while not accepting his strategies. She made a nice card to express her shift.
For those who find it difficult to read it here is what she said in the note…
“For years I have been stuck up with accepting individuals who have performed some of the most gruesome acts in humanity. Hitler was my standard example to all those who spoke of love and compassion. Somewhere Some where deep within me I knew that I couldn’t continue hating me for all my life, but I was stuck in how to look at him just as a human being and overlook what he did!
Dear Shammi, In your space at NVC, some thing shifted for me. I can now look at Hitler as a human being and see that he, like all of us came from a certain ‘need’. I can see him as a human being with showing my disagreement towards his actions- the two can now coexist for me.
I thank you for causing this in my life.
Here is note from Sashwati who was also in the workshop at TISS in Mumbai in April 2014.
“Shammi i am so greatful that our paths crossed and i was introduced to NVC. i feel so much lighter and at peace.
i feel there is a radical shift from the space i was interacting and engaging with people around me. there is a long journey ahead and i am glad that it has begun. thanks for handholding and enabling me find this space. you are an awesome trainer and facilitator. i wish abundance of life happiness upon you.
i need to leave for a training with jail officers in pune tomorrow morning and so i am unable to join the mumbai practice/support group today. but hopefully meet you soon.
please do let me know if there is an intensive and a longer NVC workshop in future. thanks in advance and if there is anything i could do in future to help you around mumbai, feel free to reach out to me.
Here is note from a dear friend Dola who shared my post for the upcoming workshops in July 2014 in Hyderabad.
“For all Hyderabad friends. Please take time to participate. It has changed a lot for me and many others I know. Shammi Nanda’s sessions can help you change the way you communicate your deepest needs and help you navigate through your conflicting emotions and feelings. I highly recommend this. Please pass on the info in Hyderabad network.”
Here is another comment that Dola shared with the post about our time together, i was also moved to be in the conversation that she mentions in the note below-
“Dear Shammi, I tagged some people I know in Hyderabad and they have other connections too…Hope you have a great and enriching progamme as always. Our last conversation moved mountains within me. I am deeply grateful that you came that day and sat with me, my dear friend. I found deep rest after the communication. Thank you so much.”
Reflections from Priya Desikan, a friend from Chennai….
I am sure there must have been some systems for handling conflicts that existed in our families and communities earlier, which have disappeared, changed or disintegrated somewhere along the way…maybe just like we have lost our ability to handle our own waste inside our own bodies and outside, in the places we live in, we have also lost our ability to handle our “waste” in our communities…we have perhaps begun to see waste as something that needs to just be gotten ridden of from our space, not really seeing how it impacts another space, and how part of it can actually be converted into the ‘black gold’ that it really is….love the way Shammi has written this article and love the compassion and presence that he brings to any session that he conducts…a wonderful person and a great facilitator….so if you are a part of a community that doesn’t seem to have a conflict transformation system or process in place, which is of, for and by the community, please do contact him!
From a friend, Yashodhara:
My friend Shammi gave me some basil seeds almost a year ago when we did a NVC workshop. For some reason, the seeds just lay there till last month when I finally put them in a pot and now the tiny basil plants are sitting pretty on my kitchen window!
The outer world always reflects our inner world…( just recently Urmila Samson mentioned this and had me smiling to myself! )
The one seed that the NVC workshops planted in me was being honest to your own needs and emotions in all situations. This has been an on going process for me – being true to my own Self!
It’s beautifully liberating and scary all at once. All our lives we are taught to be careful, to be cautious, to guard our hearts lest we get hurt…
We fear being open, we fear being honest. We fear being ‘vulnerable’.
And that’s where I am at now… Understanding vulnerability.
Conditioning tells me showing who I truly am, expressing what I feel makes me vulnerable.
And the voice in my head whispers – that’s the only way to be!
Yashodhara working on a creating rooftop garden.
Our friend Leena Karia, Pune…
“It was one of the most amazing and insightful experiences i have had recently. Thank you lovely group members and shammi for creating such a safe space. Thanks yashodhara dear for listening to my voice and organising this.”
How NVC supported a friend to restore connection at a workplace situation….and make her dream film…
This is the story of a friend Jyoti who had attended a six day NVC retreat with me and asked me to support her when her dream film project, which after almost coming to her hand was getting lost. Here is a note shared from her at http://goo.gl/2ZvFPR
NVC and Parenting at Sacred Space Hyderabad
Here is a note from Shyam Venkitesh about some of the work of mine that he saw on fb. I liked the intensity with which he has shared his thoughts – “Thanks VK Bard Waj – anything that you liked I dig in and I spent the Sunday morning reading all that this gentleman Shammi has to offer. A truly changing experience and a bit amazed at the range of things he can address with a connected theme and values. So simple yet profound. In particular on communications. All the best on the workshop and some day I look forward to attend one. Till then I will be devouring his blogs and perhaps wait for a book. Please write one soon or let me know of you have already written one.”
At St Francis College, Hyderabad, 2014
Hi Shammi ji, hope all is well with you I just wanted to tell you that –
Its only because of you that I am able to see pain and need behind others anger. Fills me with compassion for that person.. thank you for showing me the new world of love and happiness. Thanks a lot
Priya RM, Chennai.
With dear friends- Priya and Sangeetha, Chennai, 2014
Below is a note from our friend Gowtham who lives in Thiruvanamalai and is setting up a farm and ecologically constructed house. We spent time together hosting ‘Back to the Land Unconference’ where we brought out each and every conflict to the surface and worked on it. Am moved to see heart-full message.
Gowtham, the kid is playing with other kids at the gathering…
Today, between a very busy day, it suddenly surfaced to me that the world needs so so many people like you. The value of what you bring to a conversation cannot be detailed with words, it is so graceful to have a person like you in each family, each small community, each village, each town.
Yes, in being with you, in sharing moments with you, I/we learn a lot of things from you, which immediately get imbibed into our personality. But, there are so many more such instances/situations/places where what you blossom into a sharing is imperative.
I just felt sharing this with you and wanted to understand your ideas on this.
(हमारे जीवन में हिंसा से भरी भाषा के प्रति एक रचनात्मक कला जो कि खुद को और समाज में बदलाव के सूक्ष्म रास्तों पर नई और प्रासंगिक कोशिशो में लगी हैं, मित्रों तथाकथित साहित्य के इतर भाषा की मजदूरी के नये इलाके ये भी हैं )
मेरे जीवन में दुर्लभ, प्रिय, अभिन्न दोस्तों में से एक Shammi …कभी प्रतीक्षा नहीं कि इनके घर के आगे से कोई लाल झंडा लेकर निकलेगा और ये उसमें शामिल हो क्रांति का दरवाजा खटखटा देगें, ये वैसे भी नहीं होना था जैसे कि यह वहम सर्वव्यापी है, इन्होंने अपना रास्ता चुना, प्रयोग के लिए अपना ही जीवन दिया , उसी में जोखिम लिए, खूब खोया, अनेक पाया, समाज में रिश्ते और भाषा मूल सवालों से जूझे, देर से ही सही पर उन्होंने यह ब्लॉग शुरू किया है। आप देखें।
Here is a mail from Shikha Data who attended my workshop on NVC for Social Change and could bring it beautifully with her husband.
Thank you so very much for a wonderful workshop over the last 2 days. I want to share with you a personal experience.
While talking to Saurabh earlier this evening I was able to use some of the things that I learnt and address his needs while taking care of my needs too. He kept saying that how I leave him for so many days and that he wanted me to go back to Alwar tomorrow. We have plans to spend the weekend in Delhi even if we don’t attend the workshop. He admitted himself that how totally unreasonable he was being by asking me to go back tomorrow only to return again the following day with him. But in that moment something happened and I agreed. I really paid attention to his need even if I did not accept the strategy. And I asked myself, what sacrifices am I willing to make? Is traveling back such a big deal? Me spending time away from him for my workshops or whatever is a sacrifice for him even though I might not see it as a sacrifice. Then in return what am I willing to give to this relationship? And in this space, with this understanding, with this clarity, I decided to go back tomorrow.
Shikha Sitting in the foreground with the paper in her hand…
WOW!! What a shift!!! Earlier we would have just ended up fighting and he would have canceled his weekend trip. I would have gone back with a heavy heart, not really looking forward to going back to a grumpy man that would have taken at least a few days if not weeks to get back to normal. And I have only you and the group to thank for helping me reach to this level of understanding. Feeling so grateful !!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! 🙂
We had a lovely conversation about the workshop and he is looking forward to reading the book and learning more about NVC.
Attached is Nithya’s Mangal Maitri.
Here is a note from Apoorva, a friend who also teaches amazing yoga. I know she has supported people to heal them from their chronic illnesses. She was with us at the NVC and Intimate Relationships workshop in Delhi in August 2014….
“What a beautiful day. Spent the day at Zorba, this haven of greenery that was moist and lush in the rains today. Spent time working with NVC (non-violent communication) facilitated by the ever-compassionate Shammi Nanda (thank you). Ended the day with a super fun hangout with Siddhaarth Jalan at a Sunday sundowner. Perfect weather and perfect flow of events.”
– Apoorva Gupta Jalan
Here is a post from our dear friend Sreekumar who attended the workshop on NVC and Parenting at Zorba the Buddha in August 2014, in Delhi.
“Last evening, on my way to Zorba The Buddha, I wondered if most of the relationship issues are due to control dramas?
If so, then it struck me further that behind every attempt at control no matter how innocent, innocuous or noble intended it seems, there is fear and it also signifies ignorance.
I decided to look at my own attempts at ‘control’ in different situations to figure out what am I scared about and what’s my ignorance regarding that scenario and my purpose at controlling.
Then, as part of what I will call as nothing short of divine guidance and help, I happened to get persuaded by Gazala Singh last evening to attend my senior friend Shammi Nanda’s two day session on Nonviolent Communication and Parenting from today at Zorba where through the first day I found my realisation of last evening resonating and had a great experience and release today.
And I realised once more that autonomy/self-determination and the feeling that ‘I matter’ is what matters the most to people and hence the resistance to any attempt at being ‘controlled’.
Looking forward to tomorrow.
To all my friends who’d end up reading this, Shammi’s next NVC workshop is on Nonviolent Communication at the Workplace this weekend (23, 24 August) and then on Nonviolent Communication in intimate relationships next weekend (30, 31 August) at Zorba.
Below are words from a friend, Sangeetha Sriram, who is also inspired to walk the path of creating transparent and ‘power with’ organisations/communities/movements…They also run the community owned organic store in Chennai, called Restore
Its one of my communties and I had once shared Restorative Circles with them and some of us have been having conversations around the issues of governance and power sharing there. – Shammi
“Yesterday’s two-hour long fiery Restore staff meeting along with Radhika Rammohan Gowtham and Sandhya Manian was a huge step taken towards becoming a self-managing organisation! Active disagreements, taking responsibility and ownership for achievements and mistakes, coming up with creative solutions that will work for everyone, information sharing, transparency, individual flowering and recognition without making anyone feel left behind, collective effort, aligning to a deeper purpose (as individuals and as a collective)… The best part of it for me was when one of them insisted on putting in place a process for acknowledging and addressing conflicts as and when they arise, inspired by a Restorative Circle meeting among them once facilitated by Shammi Nanda . Feeling privileged to be part of this amazing journey, and so looking forward to the next leg!” – Sangeetha Sriram
Here is a note from Nityanand who was at my workshop at Hyderabad.
NVC, might look like a crazy idea to begin with, but when I met Shammi Nanda, at Our Sacred Space, few weeks back, I found there is tremendous power in this technique which looks very simple, yet very difficult to practice. It could help in reconnecting with your subordinates/ people at work in a more effective way very significantly improving human relations at Work. It could be used within the family with great effect in very very difficult situations. Shammi is simply great at its practice.
It could possibly be used in international conflicting situations too. I am recommending it to all those who could spare this time to attend this event. It should be a great experience. I wish Shammi & NVC International Convention Organisers the very best of success for this International Event linked here.
Nityanand Agrawal, Hyderabad
A gift from Nityanandji.
Thanks for listening to me today. I really feel relief and calm now and feeling like half of my griefs are dissolved, I had never experienced this with anyone, nobody listened me like this as you listened to me so deeply.
This is a note from Ramya Padmanabhan in Bangalore. We did a workshop in March 2105.
“My first try with conscious compassionate communication on my kid. My 1.10 year old daughter is water phobic and screams even if a drop of rain falls on her. She has accepted bathing as a daily task but does nt enjoy. She hates bubble bath and even a soak in the little bath tub. Whenever she cries seeing water, we forced her into it. She screams and then we stop. All of us repeatedly kept saying ” dont be scared…its just water” she screams more hearing that. Now that I have an intro to NVC…I changed my statement and my tone. I tried to sound compassionate and empathetic and asked” oh baby…is water scaring u? ” and she stopped crying and she said ” hmmm” she felt heard I cud see. For the first time i was nt invalidating her fear but was acknoeledging.I am doing this every time she cries seeing water and softly making her touch water saying its safe. She seems to be open to touch the bubble bath now. Thanks to Shammi Nanda for introducing me to Nvc and Kapila Ramakrishnan s sessions to give me greater understanding on such feelings and fears.”
Pic from our Bangalore workshop with Ramya Padmanabhan…
From Priya Desikan in Response to these words of mine.
I said – “I am realising that when I am hurt and am full of blame that some one did some thing to me, I am also scared of speaking and engaging about the issue with others as I am scared that I will end up hurting them and they in turn end up doing things which hurt me more and thereby adding on to unending spiral of pain- blame – hurt – pain- blame – hurt which goes on. The other option I used to choose was to shut up and then my anger and hurt turned into depression which would in turn cause me asthma.
But when I can once in a while think of my conflict without blame on any one its easier for me to engage with them as my word are not threatening to them and tand we can see what and why things happened. Besides when I am in a ‘No Blame Zone’, that itself it gives me also inner peace as I dont play the broken record of wrongness of others and righteousness of mine over and over again. I am trying to practice this whenever I am challenged and its not easy but is encouraging whenever I can do it. Welcoming other to join if they want to walk this path with me.”
Say Priya -“Dear Shammi, thanks for sharing….was thinking of you yesterday when I found myself in a conflict with my husband and he felt that I was blaming him….and for the first time, I was very clear inside that there was no blame from my side….and then I realised that it was because of all the little thoughts that were bubbling up inside that I didn’t share with him, that he perhaps felt that way…..and when I saw that, I thought of what you have shared with me a few times about micro-honesty…..and the words just flowed after that effortlessly…..I was able to share all my needs, the space from where I was coming, my expectations, why I had them, what I would like him to do, why etc…..I cannot believe how I thought I could put all of that into one sentence! smile emoticon….and when I shared it that way (fortunately, he found the patience to listen to it after a time-off), he saw it differently and understood, without feeling blame…..I like how it happened effortlessly….and I clearly saw how micro-honesty helps, if a person is in a space to listen to what you have to share.”
This is a Note from Geeta Bhansali from Mumbai who has supported hosting of around 6 workshops at her place in Mumbai. She hosts a center for inner work, “Live Life Healing Center’ http://livelifehealing.com/
Geeta on the left, with Neha.
“Shammi I simply admire the way u host and propagate this wisdom of NVC..way beyond it being a workshop..its NVC in words actions interactions..learning happens by default..thanks for everything and also for acknowledging..look forward to many more such beingness.” – Geeta
A note from Hema Shiravanthe from Bangalore who came for my two day workshop at cafe Vriksha in April, 2015.
“Shammi, I wanted to connect with you. Because I am practicing NVC, it is bringing or integrating my learnings of all these years n filling me with greater joy. Whether my spiritual practices or professional training or living with late husband or present life all these definitely had bit n pieces of NVC, which I discovered after meeting you. What appreciate is your two day sessions are still sprouting on an everyday basis,is it not great! Its wonderful to do this cudding hahaha thank you. Bit busy catch up with you later, love n respect to you.
Here is a mail from Lucy who attended my workshop at Thailand on a Permacutlure farm.
“Hello everyone, Hi Teun,