Category Archives: Parenting

Reflections from Urmila Samson on ‘Growing in Freedom’

I would be offering a webinar from 7 pm to 8.30 pm IST on 3rd June, 2017, where I will be in conversation with my dear friend Urmila Samson around the idea parenting where we grow ALONG with our children and enjoy this journey, with all its ups and downs. To know more about the event and register go to https://goo.gl/EoMPsX,

I am sharing a note from Urmila which is the inspiration of the webinar and could also become the points of discussion for the webinar.

 

“Have you ever thought what it would be like if you had never been to school? And hold that thought. Have you ever thought what it would be like if you were not taught any school curriculum at home either? No tests, no exams, no text books, no assessments or report cards…bags, time table, homework…

Imagine if you got to choose everything – when to sleep, when to wake up, what to eat, what to play…Sounds impossible doesn’t it? Well, this is exactly how my children spent their childhood. And millions of families around the world have made a conscious decision to not send their children to school.

The idea I present to you today is my version of unschooling called Whole Being Learning.

And the reason I think it is an idea worth sharing is in the hope that some of these unschooling practices can show what good education can be, and throw some light on myriad, I would like to say infinite learning possibilities.

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What is Homeschooling: One way of going about this is homeschooling. One or both parents teach the child curriculum that they feel is most appropriate for their child, in ways that are suited to their child. The child is prepared for a board exam of their choice and suitability and they apply for colleges according to their chosen field of interest. They can wake up at leisure, have interesting conversations about everything happening in their lives and their thoughts, a loving parent designs a time table around their hobbies and interests, fitting in the studies which they teach their child knowing their individual learning styles. They have plenty of time for sports, music, art, play, creativity…and no time is wasted in doing things that are not relevant to them personally, for example, pages of homework writing or memorizing things that don’t really need to be written or memorized.

What is Unschooling: Another way of going about it is Unschooling. Unschooling children are raised in complete freedom to live their childhood without imposition of adults. They remain integrated – body, mind and spirit – without being distracted by what other people feel is better for them. When they are small, there is no curriculum, no studies, no assessments and examinations, no stress on learning reading, writing and mathematics. Unschooling parents are in a place of ‘not knowing’. We do not know what the future holds, we do not know our children better than they know themselves, we do not know how to educate them best. We trust that if there is minimal fragmentation through imposition from outside, that their inner wisdom will get a chance to grow and blossom. Unschoolers do not necessarily sit board exams or go on to college. As they grow, they may turn to academics which may or may not result in some of them going on to do exams and applying for college. The hope is that with or without degrees and higher education they will not take up jobs and professions that take the earth towards ecological disaster, but will do work, initiate social entrepreneurships or NGOs that bring the desired changes. We hope that they will create jobs for many many people in the areas where change is required.

There are several reasons why I would not send my children to even the best schools, four of them are:

Imagination: Our children spent their early years in pretend games, indoors when it was too hot outside, and outdoors when it was cooler. Except one summer when they spent the hot afternoons collecting dry grass to light fires. (Never quite understood that!)   They planted trees with their father, played in mounds of sand and earth during house expansion, indoors the boys built cities out of wooden blocks and tiny cars, while my daughter built forests out of bedsheets, dupattas, stuffed animals and dolls…We didn’t ask them to ‘put their toys away’. These were not toys. These were ongoing, never ending alternate realities which gave free reign to their imaginations.

Everything in existence, tangible: roads, lights, sky scrapers, aeroplanes…and intangible: socio-political, legal, economic…systems as well as our thought patterns have been created by our minds. So everything tangible and intangible can be destroyed, modified or completely reimagined by our minds!

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Inner Voice: The outside world tells us when to sleep, when to wake up, what to eat, when to learn and what to learn…and of course the only way to earn. And all the time our body, mind and spirit is telling us something else, and that voice becomes softer and softer till it finally gives up and goes away. Our own inner guidance goes away, leaving us fragmented. This is what we need to be afraid of. Not about the fact that our children are failing exams, or not getting into Ivy League colleges.

Deschooling the Self: I am often asked if I was ever afraid. Yes, often! There was a time when my boys played video games 24×7 for around five or more years. I was hysterical with fear. I got depressed. I thought I’d made the biggest mistake of my life that was beyond repair! Every unschooling parent reaches a turning point like this; when it becomes less and less about the children and all about the journey to the centre of the self; coming face to face with our own limitations, conditioning and deepest existential fears. At first I went the normal route: telling, explaining, scolding, nagging, manipulating, bullying, being firm, strict…Nothing worked. This forced me to sit in the fire and face myself, my wounds, my shadows, my behavior, thoughts and emotions. This process is often referred to as deschooling the self.

New eyes: Once I embarked on my inner journey to know myself, I began to see my children and the world with new eyes. I could understand my emotions better, so I was no longer consumed by them. I could understand my emotions better so I could understand their emotions and other people’s emotions better.

Whole Being Learning: Most unschoolers do not agree with the term ‘unschooling’. Everyone comes up with different words like Learning all the time, Life Learning, World Schooling, Free Range Learning… I call it Whole Being Learning, which in brief refers to integration or non fragmentation of the whole being – Mind Body Spirit, head, heart and hands.

My sons showed me a You Tube video a few years ago – Humans Need Not Apply – because robots are going to take over all the jobs and professions just as machines took over jobs of labourers in the past. During the next decade things are going to change even faster and more drastically than in the past decade. We need to raise children who are emotionally resilient, imaginative and creative with well developed minds as well as practical skills to deal with the turbulent times ahead. Plus dollops of humour and compassion!”

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-Reflections from Urmila Samson for the AhimsaGram Webinar on ‘Growing With Freedom’. Join us at 7 pm to 8.30 pm IST on 3rd June, 2017.

 

 

 

 

 

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Compassionate Parenting – Connecting Parents & Children

Welcome to a workshop space to help children understand their parents better and build deep connection with them, or to supporting parents/caregivers to work on their relationship with children. This workshop is meaningful for both parents as well as children.

30 & 31 July 2016.
10:00 AM to 5:00 PM

VENUE: Uday Waldorf Inspired School of Jaipur,, 3 Shiv Marg, Madrampura, Civil Lines, Near Civil Lines Metro Station, Jaipur 302006, India

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The intention is to create a world where children/young adults and parents/caregivers hold relationships of strong trust and friendship with each other through their ways of communication.

The workshop is inspired by the works of Marshall B Rosenberg on Nonviolent Communication(NVC) , facilitated by Shammi Nanda and supported by Kunal, Uditima and Bhushan.

Can we aspire to a world where children/ young adults and parents experience strong trust and friendship with each other? Where both enjoy sharing the celebrations from their life, and feel safe sharing their challenges too. Where either the child or the parent feel safe to say ‘No’ when an agreement does not serve them, and they are curious to hear the beautiful needs behind their ‘No’. Where the family members can have open and deep conversations even while holding different worldviews. Or, even when things go wrong and there is deep hurt or pain, they are able to listen to each other and work towards restoration – Welcome to this workshop in Jaipur where we will explore this and many more questions and find ways to live with compassion in very concrete and real ways with Nonviolent Communication(NVC).

NVC can support us in creating a world where we can express genuinely while holding care for other people, in a language devoid of any blame or shame. It connects us to a deeper spirituality of universal oneness and give us tools and techniques to live that consciousness in our day to day life.

To know more about NVC go to https://goo.gl/y7IDUs and www.cnvc.org

The workshop is a combination of learning the concepts of NVC and Experiential learning from our day to day situations through role plays.
Registration link at the end!

About the Facilitator: Shammi belongs to Jaipur and for the last twelve years he has been travelling and working with communities and groups engaging with sustainable life practices. He is also deeply engaged with Nonviolent Communication, Conflict Resolution and Collaborative Decision Making Systems and has been sharing it all over the country and outside. To know more about hm visit
His blog at https://courageouscommunication.wordpress.com/ His FB page at https://www.facebook.com/shammi.nanda.75

Kunal, Bhushan & Uditima will be supporting Shammi in holding the space & workshop.
Co-hosts at AhimsaGram, they’re enjoying their journey of living, learning & sharing NVC & Sociocracy.
They bring along with them a wide-eyed curiosity & enthusiasm for the world, its communities & the gits they hold.

Financial Contribution
For ages 21 & below, the workshop is offered as gift culture/pay as your heart’s wish, & for ages above it’s offered on a sliding scale from Rs 5,000 to 2,000. You can choose to pay whatever is comfortable in the given range. It will go to support Ahimsagram, which is now a center for learning and sharing such modalities. It will also pay for other organizing costs for the event and compensate for the payment of those who find it challenging to pay the minimum amount. We believe that as we learn and grow together we take care of all those who offer us their gifts while also fostering a spirit of care for all the people in our communities.
At the same time, if you find it challenging to pay the minimum amount please feel free to click on the option for it in the registration form and we will call you to find ways where were can support each other, with or without money.

Food
AhimsaGram is also working on ‘conscious kitchen’ and will be providing wholesome and healthy Vegetarian lunch, snacks & juices.

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Bhushan Patil, Director Food, Nutrition & Kitchen Operations at AhimsaGram, will be managing the health, deliciousness & deliverance of the wholesome food that’ll be served throughout these workshops.
He’s enjoying the experimental space & energy of the AhimsaGram kitchen, & is always excited to share & spread his love & food!

Support for bringing children to the venue. This workshop are open to all ages, as long as the person finds it interesting enough to sit there. If you have a smaller child who might want more free space,and it’s a challenge for you to leave them at home and you would want to bring them here, We have a space where children can hang out, play & be free. If you want to bring someone to help to take care of the kids that’s also fine with us.
Please call us up at +91- 9425416058, before taking the decision of bringing children along with you.

If you are coming from outside Jaipur to attend the workshop and would want residential support for a place in the city,, we will try to support you by either hosting you in friend’s homes or suggesting guest houses to stay around. Please write to us at our id or call to discuss it.

The workshop is hosted by AhimsaGram and Uday-Waldrof Inspired School, Jaipur.

Uday is born out of the need to have a school that provides wholesome education in Jaipur, to address the needs of a growing child and fulfil the real role of education.
The school is based on Waldorf pedagogy which offers a true , tested education & follows a curriculum that aims to educate the child wholly: physically, spiritually ,emotionally & intellectually, through imaginative play, meaningful work & expressive arts in a natural environment.

To register here for this workshop: https://goo.gl/G5w0lj

The workshop is hosted by AhimsaGram and Uday-Waldrof Inspired School, Jaipur.

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Filed under Gift Culture, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), NVC, Parenting, Uncategorized

करुणामय परवरिश कार्यशाला, जयपुर, 30-31 जुलाई 2016

आपका स्वागत है करुणामय परवरिश की कार्यशाला में जिसमे बच्चे अपने माता -पिता को बेहतर तरीके से समझ पाए एवं माता पिता अपने बच्चो को साथ गहरे रिश्ते बना पाए | यह कार्यशाला बच्चो एवं माता -पिता दोनों के लिए उपयुक्त है |

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इस कार्यशाला का उद्देश्य एक एसी दुनिया बनाना है जहा संवाद के द्वारा माता -पिता /देखभाल करने वाले एवं बच्चे /वयस्क के बीच सच्चे एवं मजबूत रिश्ते बने | यह कार्यशाला अहिंसक संवाद (Nonviolent Communication) पर मार्शल बी रोसेनबर्ग के काम से प्रेरित, शम्मी नंदा द्वारा कुणाल एवं उदितिमा के सहयोग से आयोजित होगी।

क्या हम एसी दुनिया की आकांशा कर सकते है जहा बच्चे /वयस्क और माता-पिता सच्चे एवं मजबूत रिश्ते तथा एक दुसरे के साथ दोस्ती का अनुभव कर सके?? जहा दोनों एक दुसरे के साथ अपनी खुशियों को बाटकर आनंदित हो सके | जहा बच्चे या पेरेंट्स, किसी बात से सहमत न होने पर ‘ना’ कहने के लिए अपने आप को स्वत्रंत महसूस कर सके | और उस न के पीछे की खुवसुरत जरुरत को सुनने के लिए उत्सुक हो |जहा परिवार के सभी सदस्य, अलग-अलग वेष्बिक नजरिया होने के बावजूद भी खुली एवं गहरी बातचीत कर सके | यहां तक कि जब कोई बात बिगड़ जाए और गहरा दर्द हो तब वे एक दूसरे को सुनने के लिए सक्षम हो और रिश्ते को पूर्वस्थिति में लाने का प्रयास करें| जयपुर में इस कार्यशाला में आपका स्वागत है जहा हम इस तरह के सवालो के जबाव एवं अहिंसक संवाद के साथ करुणामय जीवन जीने के तरीके खोजेंगे |

अहिंसक संवाद (NVC) एक एसी दुनिया बनाने में मदद करता है , जहां हम अपनी बात को दूसरो का ख़याल रखते हुए, दोष और अपमान रहित भाषा में व्यक्त कर सकते है | यह सार्वभौमिक एकता की एक गहरी आध्यात्मिकता से जुड़ा है और हमें एसे साधन और तरीके देता है जो हमारे दैनिक जीवन में इस चेतना को बनाये रखने में मदद करता है|

अहिंसक संवाद (NVC) के बारे में अधिक जानकारी के लिए क्लिक करे https://goo.gl/y7IDUsandwww.cnvc.org

अहिंसक संवाद (NVC) की ये कार्यशाला अहिंसक संवाद के सिद्धांतो तथा दैनिक अनुभव की अवधारणाओं के सम्मिश्रण को सीखने मे किया गया एक छोटा सा प्रयास रहेगा|

फैसिलिटेटर के बारे में – शम्मी जयपुर के रहने वाले है और पिछले बारह वर्षों से यात्रा करते हुए विभिन्न समुदाओ के साथ सस्टेनेबल लिविंग पर काम कर रहे है | शम्मी का अहिंसक संवाद, झगड़ों के समाधान तथा सामूहिक निर्णय लेने की प्रणाली मे काफ़ी गहरी पकड़ है| और अपनी इस पकड़ को देश में तथा देश के बाहर पंहुचाने में शम्मी ने अपना योगदान दिया है|
शम्मी के बारे में अधिक जानकारी के लिए-
ब्लॉग https://courageouscommunication.wordpress.com/
फेसबुक पेज https://www.facebook.com/shammi.nanda.75

कुणाल और उदितिमा इन कार्यशालाओं के आयोजन में शम्मी का मदद करेंगे|
अहिन्साग्राम मे सह मेजबान के रूप में कुणाल और उदितिमा भी अपने जीवन की यात्रा का आनंद ले रहे हैं, तथा अहिंसक संवाद एवं सर्वजनतन्त्र (Sociocracy) को सीखकर दुनिया को देना चाहते है| ये दोनो एक व्यापक जिज्ञासा एवं उत्साह के साथ दुनिया के लिए कुछ करना चाहते है|

शुल्क योगदान- उम्र 21 या उससे कम के लिए कार्यशाला शुल्क इच्छानुसार तथा 21 से अधिक उम्र के प्रत्येक व्यक्ति के लिए प्रत्येक कार्यशाला शुल्क 2000 से 5000 के बीच आपकी क्षमता के अनुसार है | आपका राशि सहयोग फैसिलिटेटर के सपोर्ट , वर्कशॉप के आयोजन एवं ऐसे लोगो के सपोर्ट में भी जायेगा जो वर्कशॉप की पूर्ण राशी देने में असमर्थ है | अगर इसके वावजूद आप न्यूनतम शुक्ल देने मे असमर्थ हो तो रजिस्ट्रेशन फार्म मे स्पष्ट कर सकते है | हम आपको कॉल करेंगे तथा मिलकर ऐसे तरीके खोजने का प्रयास करेंगे जिससे आप हमें बिना पैसो के भी अन्य प्रकार से सहयोग कर सके |

भोजन व्यवस्था- अहिंसाग्राम में हम स्वास्थवर्धक भोजन पर ध्यान देते है | वर्कशॉप में अहिंसाग्राम के द्वारा आरोग्यपूर्ण शाकाहारी भोजन और नाश्ता दिया जावेगा |
अहिंसाग्राम किचन डायरेक्टर भूषण पाटिल, आरोग्यपूर्ण भोजन में माहिर है और वे पूरी वर्कशॉप के दौरान आरोग्यपूर्ण भोजन देगे. वे अहिंसाग्राम मे प्रयोगत्मक भोजन बनाने का आनन्द लेते है और वे उत्साहित है की अपना प्रेम और भोजन आप सभी के साथ बाटे |

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कार्यशाला में बच्चे – यह कार्यशाला सब उम्र के लोगो के लिए है | अगर आपका बच्चा है और आपको उसको घर छोड़ने मे किसी प्रकार की असुबिधा हो तो आप आपके बच्चे को साथ मे ला सकते हो| हम हमारी ओर से स्वतंत्र एवम् खेलने योग्य वातावरण प्रदान करने में मदद करेंगे | आपकी ओर से बच्चे की देखभाल हेतु कोई आना चाहे तो वो भी आ सकता है |

कृपया बच्चे को वर्कशॉप में लाने से पहले हमें कॉल कर के सूचित करें -9425416058

अगर आप कार्यशाला में भाग लेने के लिए जयपुर के बाहर से आ रहे हैं और यहाँ रहने के लिए एक जगह खोजने हमारी मदद चाहते हैं, तो हमें कॉल कर के सूचित करे | हम दोस्तों के होस्टिंग स्थानों या आसपास रहने के लिए गेस्ट हाउस को ढूंढने में आपकी मदद कर सकते है |

यह कार्यशाला अहिंसाग्राम और उदय – वाल्डोर्फ प्रेरित स्कूल, जयपुर द्वारा होस्ट की है|
वर्कशॉप स्थल :

उदय – वाल्डोर्फ प्रेरित स्कूल,
3 शिव मार्ग, मद्रामपुरा, सिविल लाइंस, सिविल लाइंस मेट्रो स्टेशन के पास , जयपुर 302006
उदय-वाल्डोर्फ से प्रेरित स्कूल की उत्पत्ति जयपुर में एक पूर्ण शिक्षा की जरुरत को देखते हुए हुई| इसका मकसद बढते हुए बच्चो की जरूरतों को ध्यान में रखते हुए वास्तविक शिक्षा की भूमिका को पूरा करना है|

ये स्कूल वाल्डोर्फ के शिक्षा विज्ञान पर आधारित है, जो एक सच्ची एवं परिक्षण की हुई शिक्षा प्रदान करता है, एवं ऐसे पाठ्यक्रम का पालन करता है जिसका मकसद प्राकृतिक वातावरण में कल्पनाशील खेलो, सार्थक कामो और अर्थपूर्ण कला के माध्यम से बच्चो का शारीरिक, मानसिक, आध्यात्मिक, बौद्धिक एवं भावनात्मक रूप से विकास करना है|

रजिस्ट्रेशन के लिए यहाँ क्लिक करे : https://goo.gl/G5w0lj

वर्कशॉप स्थल :
उदय – वाल्डोर्फ प्रेरित स्कूल,
3 शिव मार्ग, मद्रामपुरा, सिविल लाइंस, सिविल लाइंस मेट्रो स्टेशन के पास , जयपुर 302006

दिनांक: 30-31 जुलाई 2016
समय: प्रात:10:00 बजे से सायं 5:00 बजे तक

हिंदी अनुवाद : शिवालक्ष्मी पार्वती गौड़, सहयोग – सम्यक आर्य

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Filed under Community Building, Gift Culture, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), NVC, Parenting, Uncategorized

Sociocracy, ‘Connection Parenting’, Music and More at Noida UnConference!

At the recent Learning Unconference at Noida on 19th September, 2015, I was reminded of my childhood days when we would get together in Rajouri Garden in Delhi or Saharanpur for my cousin’s wedding and have non stop singing and fun action for t12042668_1015504675166684_4498789894362938921_nhree days. The only difference here was that there were people who were also coming with dreams of a creating a sustainable and just world and are also acting in small and big ways to make it happen in their lives. I am connected to different eco-systems and communities wanting to make a beautiful world and one of them is the LSUC or Learning Societies UnConference Network and  an event like this is like coming back to my home and family.

It was fun to meet old friends and make new connections with people who are doing stuff which some where resonates with my vision of the world that I would like to live in. Met Dipali who hosts sessions on slow travel, Himanshu who is working on slow cooking incorporating millets, Arubha Sonal, Ravleen and many other home/un schoolers of Delhi, Pooja who makes alternate toys inspired by games of rural and tribal communities in India and there were 300 such people there for a day. I am glad to see lot of11991296_10153551152575569_1936405691_o alternate stuff in Delhi which I would more often see in other cities but have seen much less in Delhi until now.

Being there, I am reminded once again of Margret Wheatley’s line which says that for change to happen we need more of critical connections rather than the critical mass and I believe create a ground for creating such connections the critical mass will also follow. I  have two main needs in life, one is of finding meaning in what I engage with and the second is community and in places like this both of these needs of mine are met.

I enjoyed sharing Sociocracy where we practiced/simulated consent decision making process for a seemingly simple decision of planning a the dinner menu for group of about ten people who were also part of the Sociocracy session there. As we began collecting concerns for the meal issue. Even before coming out with the menu we realised that this simple decision, if it has to have the values and needs of all incorporated in it can be pretty nuanced and needs an evolved process to come to a decision with consent. Some wanted vegan options, some wanted spicy food, some wanted more steamed, some wanted chicken, delicious, aesthetically pleasing, etc….

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After going through the listening rounds where each one was heard, we decided to come up with a smaller team and trusted them with the organizing of the meal. One of them was a organic and vegan enthusiasts, one was a person who cares for inclusion and one of them was the only non veg eater in the group. Even though it was a simulated exercise we got a sense of how complex decision can be taken efficiently in the groups and the amazing tools that Sociocracy offers to do so. We all consented to the decision in our simulated practice. I am also sharing Aditi’s Blog where she wrote about hear learning of Sociocracy in the above mentioned session.

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In another session I also was supporting Sanjeevani who was hosting a session on ‘Connection Parenting’. It was a treat to meet the growing home/unschooling community of Delhi NCR who have a sense of shared reality and deep bonding with each other. Thanks to Suma Iyer who initiated a meeting the day after the Unconference where all of us met for a whole day at Shaifali and Osama’s place along with our dear friend Urmila from Pune. Our meeting turned into a listening circle, which began with a guided yog nidra mediation guided by Urmila which took us to a deeper place. That set the tone which connected to our hearts and our words began to flow from deep authenticity and our listening also became more and more open and non judgmental. We were holding space for each other where we could share our deeper challenges and vulnerabilities which began to transform at times once we could share them and be heard for them. I am glad unconference made space for this listening circle and thats how magic unfolds from one place to the other.

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I guess such gatherings like the listening circle and the Unconference have a magic of their own and once the people are brought there and container created for deeper connection nothing needs to be ‘done’ and things just emerge all along. The unknown creates its own order and beauty. I am grateful to Manish Jain who is founder of Shikshatar Andolan and Prakriti Folks for initiating the unconference and Suma for initiating our meeting the next day which turned into a listening Circle.

Most importantly I want to thank Manish Kataria who held the space for music and circle dances which spurred the whole community to get into a party mood. I guess when change has to come it also has to be a celebration.

To see more pics from the Uncoference see https://goo.gl/6Pim8L

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Can adults care a bit more about the child’s need for Autonomy?

I often hang out with children and in my interaction with them, I am now understanding, that one need that is very strong and often unmet for them is the need for ‘autonomy’ and I often in my judgment I see adults much challenged in in acknowledging and understand this need for children that easily.

In one of my workshops I spoke to 18 year old Deepika(name changed) who was triggered by her fathers comment about her clothes. She was going out to meet her old friends and decided to plan the clothes that sheenjoys to wear. She is also a design student and likes paying attention to her clothes and tries to do it creatively in her own way. As she was leaving the house in her chosen clothes, here father commented on her clothes and in the conversation at some point told her that her clothes were ‘cheap’. This hurt her to such an extent that she was almost about to even drop the idea of going out. When I was talking to her we kept looking at her need for ‘understanding’ or ‘to be seen’ but as we went deeper at some point we came to the need for ‘autonomy’ or the power to choose how she wants to lead her life, at that moment there was great relief in her. That need really landed well on her.

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I am realising that in conversations between children and parents on topics like what the children should eat, or how they should keep their room or cupboard or kind of language they will use(slang or swear words, etc) the pain from the child comes from their sense or lack of having power to decide how they want to lead their lives and that’s a big thing fro them even if they may not be consciously aware of naming it as their need for autonomy in such incidents.

I have noticed that even in the workshops when parents actually understand that their child in above mentioned moments is longing for autonomy, some parents find it difficult to get the gravity of the pain or upset that the child is experiencing over their perceived loss of autonomy.

In my interaction with children I am more and more consciously trying to see, acknowledge and respect their need for autonomy and choce, seeing them as equals and I am having rich relationship from children of all ages, which could be some one who is even less than three years to some one who is around 25 year old. I am enjoying their trust and connection with me.

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Just wanted to share this understanding in case some one tries to incorporate in their life to create deeper connection with people whom we refer to as ‘children’ and some times even stop seeing them in their fullness. I have also seen parents who were having a challenge with their kids when they understand that the child has a certain tank for need for autonomy and want to try ways of filling this tank by finding ways to meet their need for autonomy for the child then her or she is able to let go some strategies which are super important for the parents. What I mean is that if at every small decision is taken by parents the child is forever in the scarcity of this need and can get triggered at all kinds of places. The shift could be when the kid is asking about clothes and its not a matter of life and death for the parents and they can live with the choice of the kid its better to go with that, so that on crucial decisions where it can endanger safety of the child, the child will be more willing to go with the strategy of the parent as they maybe experiencing enough autonomy in their life.

Once I was doing workshop in Chandigarh in an alternative school and I had the above conversation with a mom who was feeling challenged about some thing crucial the kid wanted and when she understood she can let go her preference for some decisions and go for the kids strategy she was relaxed. In two hours I got a message from her “ Hi Shammi, Lovely having and insight into my boys need for autonomy – As I write this I am sitting at Funcity to honour that need.  Thnx – Sangeeta (Name changed).

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NVC at Aman Setu School, Pune

This is the invite for a five day workshop that I am offering in Pune from 9th to 14th September. Out of all the days 13th September is open to all.

Please write to me at shamminanda@gmail.com if you want to join and you can show up on the 13th at 9 am at Aman Setu School.

See me beautiful,

Look for the best in me

That’s what I really am

And all I want to be

It may take some time

It may be hard to find

But see me beautiful

See me beautiful

Each and every day

Could you take a chance

Could you find a way

See me shining through

In everything that I do

And see me beautiful….                            

                                                 —–A poem by Marshall Rosenberg

Dear Parents,

In keeping with our spirit and vision of building a nourishing community, we are organizing a workshop to foster compassionate connections at our school. We are therefore hosting a five day program on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) for our staff, children and parents as we attempt to make NVC a regular part of our day-to- day life for our school community.

Out of the five days, we are opening up the space for learning NVC for the parents for a day as we believe that the change we bring at the level of school is more sustainable for the children when the parents are also equipped with the necessary knowledge and skill to bring it in their families. NVC will support us in fostering deep connections in our relationships everywhere, however during this workshop we will focus on our ways of connecting with our kids. We believe that NVC is a meaningful and life enriching practice for parents, children, teachers and care givers.

The workshops will be facilitated by Shammi Nanda, who has been passionately working on NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION (NVC) for the last five years and travels all around the country and outside to share it with different communities and organisations.

We see this workshop as a way for all of us to grow as individuals and bring joy, peace and harmony in our lives. Please attend this workshop in large numbers and also recommend this to friends and family members who may be interested.

‘See Me Beautiful’ – Creating a world of shared power with children!

A workshop based on Nonviolent Communication (NVC) of Marshall Rosenberg

NVC encourages us to see children in their fullness as complete human beings capable of experiencing a whole gamut of emotions form joy to pain like any grown up and having same beautiful needs as adults.
ABOUT THE WORKSHOP

We will look at ways:

  1. To move beyond finding ways to get children do things our way to building connection with them and find solutions, which work, for everyone.
  2. Develop consciousness and tools to support our kids to do things for the intrinsic value of the actions and not just for acceptance and validation from adults. This lets them take charge of their life and lets them grow up as self-connected beings.
  3. To empathize with them when they say ‘difficult’ things as well as when they are feeling excited about some thing or have some sense of accomplishment from doing some thing. In other words to actively participate and be with them in their mourning and celebrations.
  4. To move from just care taking and being a mere ‘parent’ to enjoying life with them as their friends.

FORMAT OF THE WORKSHOP

We will work with appreciative as well as challenging situations which could cause tenderness, joy, anger, frustration, pain, fear, guilt and so on with respect to our kids and find ways to engage with them even more harmoniously. We will learn basic concepts of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) based parenting or ways of interaction with children through exercises and our sharings; either individually or in small groups as well as role plays guided by the facilitator.

You can watch the film at the following link to understand how NVC can support children and schools.


ABOUT THE SPEAKER
To know about Shammi Nanda and his work on NVC, see his blog at https://courageouscommunication.wordpress.com/. To know more about NVC go to www.cnvc.org

PARTICULARS OF THE WORKSHOP:

For Date Time Venue
Children

(Classes 6,7,8,9)

9th and 14th of September During school hours Butterfly Garden
Parents 13th September 9 am – 3 pm Butterfly Garden
Teachers 11th and 12th September During school hours Butterfly Garden

YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS AND THE SPIRIT OF GIFT:

You are free to choose how you want to support Shammi. He is putting his energy into sharing NVC and other modalities of peace building and power with organizing systems in our communities and organizations. Your contribution will go to further his dreams including creating community spaces for deepening of this work. To know more about some of his dreams and what he wants to do with the money that is offered to him see https://goo.gl/a0GbEn

You can hear the voice of your heart to decide what you want to offer him. You can support him with financial offering or with promise of any other skills and resources that you would like to share with him to support his vision.

 FOOD: You will need to bring your own vegetarian tiffin for a potluck lunch and are welcome to share your lunch with other participants of the workshop!
Best Regards

Ruchi Agarwal and Shammi Nanda

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Anhad-Connecting respectfully and joyfully with our children.

This workshop is based on the principles of Nonviolent Communication(NVC) of Marshall Rosenberg.

We will together learn about respectfully living and engaging with children by seeing them as having the same needs as adults, even as their ways of meeting them could be different from how we might want them as. When needs are met or not, we all have pretty similar feelings irrespective of our age or sex. For example when a child does not have much choice to decide on what to eat, how to spend their time, where to go, who to be with, they may have a strong unmet need for autonomy which is painful. The experience or pain of that unmet need could be same as that of an adult when adults have the same unmet need triggered in some other experience of theirs. That is some thing we need to understand and see them as equals in our experience of needs met and unmet.

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Miki Kashtan says that most of the world believes that there should be equality between genders, race and caste, however there is a blind spot in terms of equality between children and adults. She sees the definition of equality as having the same need or the same experience of needs. This workshop is going to encourage us to see children in their fullness and we will look at ways of understanding theirs’ as well as our needs and to find solutions where each persons needs are taken into consideration.

John Holt, in his book ‘Escape from Chlildhood’ is critical of us creating ‘childhood’ as a category which sees children as incomplete and some kind of minions who are not able to decide for themselves. He advocates giving much more autonomy to children than that is in our present worlds.

This workshop is also inspired by Fukuoka’s work on ‘Do Nothing’ farming where he ask the farmers to not to do the unnecessary and instead creating an ecosystem of a forest where the plant takes care of itself. The leave brings nutrients from deep under the soil through the root system and go back on to the the soil and get composted to later enrich it, which in turn feeds the tree again and this cycle goes on. Same way we need to create soils where children can take charge of their life and take care of their needs with minimal support from adults.

According to me most of my conflicts arise and become painful when I am tightly attached to my ways of doing things and want the other to change to suit to my strategies. NVC supports us to hold our strategies lightly by looking at the story or the needs of the others person also and see how we can weave requests based on the needs of all the beings present in the situation. In this workshop we will learn the same in our dealing with children around us.

In this two day workshop, we will work with challenging situations which cause anger, frustration, pain, fear, guilt and so on with respect to our kids and see how we can engage with them in a way where we feel more connected and respectful towards each other. We will be doing this through exercises; either individually or in small groups as well as role plays guided by the facilitator.

When we can build skills to listen and to be present to the needs of our kids and look at solutions that matter to all, we feel empowered and free.

ABOUT THE FACILITATOR SHAMMI NANDA: Shammi Nanda has been a documentary film-maker since 1994 who studied at the Film and Institute Of India, Pune. He gradually moved to self-healing and sustainable food practices in the last one decade and even volunteered to run an Organic Kitchen for the Student of FTII for two years in Pune.

In his deep engagement with alternative communities and unshooling families/communities spanning more than a decade, he has been looking at respectful ways of bringing up children where each person matters.

While looking critically at disconnects in his own personal life, as well as the communities he has been connected with, he choose to dive deeply into NVC. He is also working on alternate conflict transformation processes like Restorative Circles and other consent decision modalities for groups and organisations llike Sociocracy. He has been travelling in India and other places to bring these modalities to his communities for the last five years. .

He is also inspired by Mahatma Gandhi, Miki Kashtan, Masanobu Fukuoka, Vinobha, John Holt and saints like Kabir, and draws connections between NVC and these world-views. An inspired and creative teacher, he brings a lot of energy into his teaching and brings NVC alive through compassion, humor and plain dedication.

To know more about Shammi and his work on NVC go tohttp://goo.gl/g2vkTo and to know more about NVC owww.cnvc.org

FINANCIAL CONTRIBUTIONS: 
Shammi has been experimenting on creative ways of raising funds to sustain himself. He often does workshops in the spirit of gift culture where people are invited to choose what they want to offer for him. You can choose to pay any thing between Rs2,500, to 7,000 depending on your financial resources and the desire to support the facilitator.
If for some reason you find it challenging to contribute the lowest figure, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO WRITE TO US at shamminanda@gmail.com or call 9486083163.
We would like you to share with us about ways you can support Shammi or the spread of NVC with your other skills or gifts that you have with you.

You can know more about what Shammi intends to do with the contributions that you offer him at http://goo.gl/yV8Ywq We see NVC as a gift which needs to reach all those who would want to learn it at the same time we want those who bring these gifts to us also are taken care of in the spirit of mutuality.

REGISTRATION:
Seats are limited and will be offered on first come first serve basis. For registration fill up the form at https://goo.gl/TWea8T The Venue is near Dhaulu Kuan and we will inform about it to you once you have registered online.

Food: You are requested to bring your tiffin and welcome to share your lunch with other participants of the workshop!

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