Spent two days sharing NVC – ‘Being me Loving You’ with Vivet Alevi in Istanbul. Enjoyed working with her and learnt a lot from her and the group.
Some of my learnings that emerge from the two days are –
# Its important to take time in self connection before you try to empathise with some one in the moment of trigger.
#Listening to our judgements and meditatively seeing the needs behind them can even transform them into sweet longings. If I go deeper i can even even see why is this need so strong me, it can even take me to some past wound which affects my present experience of the situation. This path of inquiry is an opportunity for me to heal my self from my past wounds.
#When ‘me’ and ‘you’ are in a conflict with each other, its not just ‘you’ and ‘me’ but a whole plethora of our life experiences involving so many of our interactions which we had with people and the world around us, thats what has made us largely as who we are and how we experience the world. Remembering this fact can stop us from blaming the person and invite us to travel into their world, and have some wonder for their life. It can also open up our hearts and give us our own valuable inner peace in the same situation. Remember we are all different and unique, and yet we have same feelings and needs. If we can get this it will lead open the doors of empathy.
#We cant change people but work towards creating a field in which people change themselves.
#We have been formed by the stories and narratives of love and relationships we have heard and we keep putting people in those narratives or want them to fit those narratives and when they don’t there is pain. We can try to get awareness of our narratives, and have drishta bhav(the observer sate) towards those narratives.
#If we want real peace, we need to learn to have loving and caring ‘fights’.
#Welcome our needs as a special guest and see them as a divine life energy.
#Surrender from a place of fear is different from surrender from a place of safety and trust. The latter is empowering.
#Each one of us has our own meaning of words and concepts, its important we slow down to find out what the word means to each of us, especially when we are triggered.
#When I am in a disagreement with some one, thats still liveable, but when i think that the other person is wrong because they think or see differently thats when the disagreements become hurtful and painful for me and for others.
Was also happy to see the deep work that is happening in Turkey with Vivet’s year long program and other offerings. I see a strong NVC community is building up here. Thanks Vivet for including me in your world.
To know more about her see her blog at http://www.siddetsiz-iletisim.com/