Category Archives: Conflict Transformation

To Unravel the gift of conflicts

Looking for support to join the International Intensive Training(IIT) of Nonviolent Communicaton(NVC) in Srilanka. 

Dear Friends, There is an IIT happening from July 26 to August 4, 2017, in Srilanka and I intend to join it. The learning from here will deepen my understanding of NVC and support me in my work on sharing NVC back home. I have been offering NVC and this time I just want to go in a place where I can focus on my deepening of NVC. To know more about the program see

I am writing this to seek financial support of Rs 43,000 (670 US$) to Join it and would like to share why being here is important for me. This would cover my travel and contribution for the program. I am sharing my expense sheet  for transparency,   If you need any clarification please write to me at

This IIT is  special for me not just for the trainers who are coming but I have a sense of connection with the Srilanka NVC community as I have been there twice to offer NVC trainings and I would be knowing a lot of people coming for the IIT. I would like people in this subcontinent to make alliance and support each other. See more about my sharing in Srilanka at, and


Sharing NVC with Ben, Ramanusha, Fazal, Sivantha and Priya

I also appreciate the work of Jim and Jory, especially their Matrix about ‘Pathways to Liberation’. I have grown a lot in my nvc practice after seeing this work. I have heard a lot about them and would like to spend time with them.

I have learnt a lot from Katherine, especially on engaging with power and moving away from power over to power with. I have also learnt valuable work from her on healing old pain and have offered it to support other people.

I also feel connected to Ramanusha, as we have offered NVC trainings together where she was a co trainer and translation support and we share the vision of bringing NVC to people from all sections of the society and those in conflict situation. I have lot to learn from her on this kind of work as she is experienced with sharing NVC in areas of conflict.

srilanka group

Sharing NVC at farm, hosted by Trudy and Sion. 

Sabine, is also coming, who is working on community supported certification processes, which is also my interest as I have been working on challenges that arise from degrees and certification while want to create more wholesome ways for evaluating  the knowledge, skills and integrity of people who share NVC and the way they do it. Besides I have shared platform with her and co-facilitated Restorative Circles.

We also have Dunia Hategekimana from Rwanda. I see that I would like to understand how he sees the context of his regions and how it impacts his ways of sharing and practicing NVC and its form. I see a sense of shared past with Africa, and this is the first time I would be meeting a person from Africa and of colour who is a certified NVC trainer and would like to know about his challenges.

I would also like to share with the people there about the work that Ahimsagram is doing in India and want to invite people to be with us. Besides, we are also offering a training with Miki Kashtan in Jan 2018 on Transforming Organisations Through Collaborative Processes, and I would like to share about the offering so they can understand better in order to make an informed choice about joining us. This will also deepen the learning of NVC in this region and build stronger bonds.


Once you transfer the money or want to transfer it, please write to me at my mail id

You could transfer the money through Paytm at +91-9486083163 or

to my bank account here:

Acct Holder: Shammi Nanda, 

Bank & Branch Name: ICICI Bank, Johari Bazaar, Jaipur

Acc No.: 031501000505


PAN Card No.: ACTPN8435D

Looking forward to the needed support from those who have a shared vision with me and would like to see it flourish and would like to contribute to make it happen.
Shammi Nanda

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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Gift Culture, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), NVC, Restorative Circles, Uncategorized

NVC Mohalla at Jaipur


‘NVC Mohalla’ invites you to join the first Practice group on Nonviolent Communication(NVC) in Jaipur at my new home cum community space on this Sunday the 17th April, 16. This will be a place where we practice challenging situation in our lives with support of NVC and learn ways to deal with them in a compassionate and authentic way. To know more about NVC go to and

After the practice group we will have a vegetarian potluck lunch where each of us brings our tiffins to share it with each other. We will also put our hearts and minds to see how we can take NVC to different areas of Jaipur and in other cities.

This practice group comes our from my deeper vision of having a compassionate, peaceful, Joyful and harmonious world,  where consent is the core principle and each person is heard and have a sense that their needs matter to the community. I would want us to express ourselves safely and fully while caring for each other. Where, if we have disconnects, we can have support from friends and community who help us listen to each other deeply and find the way ahead.

To support all this vision some of us are launching an initiative called ‘NVC Mohalla’, where we intend to create spaces of learning and deepening of Nonviolent Communication(NVC) in different parts of Jaipur.

If you intend to come please RSVP by sms to me at 9486083163.

Flow of the day is as follows.

10 am to 1 pm – Practice of Nonviolent Communication

1 pm to 2 pm – Potluck Vegetarian Lunch

2 pm to 5 pm – Meeting to plan the way forward for NVC Mohalla in Jaipur.

Venue: 36C, D Block, Model Town, Near Malviya Nagar, Jaipur.

Look forward to seeing some of you.



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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Uncategorized

Welcome to Ecovillage Design Eduaction (EDE) Course in Azores, Portugal!

Dear friends, I have been part of the planning and hosting team of this four week long EDE which is scheduled from 15th August, 2015 in Azores Islands in Portugal. We have been working pretty intensely for the last six months to make this magical event happen. Of course some of us have been more active and some are around creating support and holding each other.


I Plan to share NVC, Conflict Transformation, Gift Culture and Creative and Mindful Enterprises, amongst other things. We are also planning to offer largely raw food there and some friends there are already growing food to prepare for those of you who will join us. I see all this detail and care from the team as an offering of pure love.

I cant say I will be there for sure as I am still struggling to get my visa for Europe and I imagine some times that the people who are in power seem to living with a sense of fear. Having chosen to live a life without ‘sufficient’ money has its costs and comes in the way of my moving freely in this world. I am accepting the cost for the moment as so many of us at times are not able to do what we want to and there could be some learning for me in it, even though its a painful experience. I am saying all this to let you know that I am not sure that I will make it there. However whether I make it there or not I want to tell my friends in India and Abroad, that I have worked with this team very closely and have experienced deep authenticity and integrity in them apart from their skills and knowledge to empower you to confidently embark on a journey of creating you own dream eco village.

I am celebrating that EDE and this particular course also values inputs on conflict transformation process, consent decision making and Nonviolent Communication(NVC) which are dear to me too. I believe that when we create a community we need to even have systems in place to create a ‘power with’ systems of communicating and organising ourselves. If we believe that the divine is everywhere and in all then we need to have systems where we can deeply listen, value and harvest the wisdom from each person in the community. This makes this EDE even more exciting and inspiring for me.

Besides we are also trying to support those who find it challenging to organise finances to be there. Infact we are hoping and trying support some people for their travel. We are trusting that there will be abundance to support all of you who want to be there.

You can see the details of the course in the and the invite below. Wishing joy, abundance and blessings to the hosting team and those who will be there.

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Filed under Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Conscious Kitchen, Gift Culture, Natural Farming, Nonviolent Communication(NVC)

Mindful Gift Culture: Mera Mangal, Tera Mangal, Sabaka Mangal Hoye Re…

I have been experimenting with gift culture where I was doing workshops and other offerings where people could choose what they wanted to contribute. I am grateful to have been taken care of and nourished by financial contributions and so many different ways by my community and friends.  I have been asked this question, how much are they expected to pay.

“How do I decide how much to contribute?”

We are trusting that your are holding the intention of care for your self as well as those who bring this valuable gift of NVC to our life and would enjoy nourishing them too to the best of your abilities.

For letting your know that larger picture I would like to share information on the areas where I would want to spend the money that you would offer me. If you share my dreams, you can think of many different ways of contributing towards fulfilling these dreams with our without money.

Some of the things for which I would need money in the near future. (With Approx Amount needed for the activitiy)

  1. My personal expenses for home, travel and nourishment. (Rs 40,000 a month.)
  2. Purchase a Fairphone, Rs 30,000 – a Fair Phone Free from Violence in its production. See
  3. Travelling in Europe to learn about Sociocracy in May – June 2105
  4. Travel to Brazil to support my learning of Restorative Circle Process more deeply- (Rs 2.5 Lakh).
  5. To go through NVC certification process and travel work with three mentors. (Rs. 3 Lakh).
  6. To attend an International Intensive Training (IIT) on NVC which is necessary for going into Certification Process. See   (Rs. 3 Lakh)
  7. Supporting travel and expenses of Apprentices who want to learn NVC with me and support me in my work (50,000 a month).
  8. Creating Video and Audios on Nonviolent Communication for the Indian context. 3,00,000 per year.

You can also contribute in ways other than money too by giving your time and skills, providing spaces for hosting workshops, supporting me in hosting workshops, documenting the learnings from the workshops. Besides if you have any other ideas to support my dreams you are welcome to suggest them

Some of my long term dreams that I would like to work on if I have more resources, is to create and host a space for a land based sustainable living and learning community.  It will be a learning and resource center on Conflict Transformation, Community Living, Consensus process and Non Violence. The place would be accessible to people from all over the world with more efforts to attract people from South Asia and Africa.

This place will support in creating a Peace Corp of which can go and support other individuals, families, communities, sects, organisation, government agencies, companies, movements, political groups, or any one who are willing to try our conflict transformation practices. The Peace Corp could even go in areas of Riots and Violent Struggles to create spaces for dialogue between the groups who are in conflict. We will strive to work with any one, irrespective of their ideological stands. Amount for this is not known yet as it will slowly evolve as I go along and find more co-travellers for this journey of learning and sharing NVC and others Restorative Peace Practices.

I also dream to muster support among like minded people to advocate for a Ministry of Compassion for all Governments and working on creating Restorative Justice Practices and also stopping capital punishment.

 If you have any queries about the workshop or the payment format or want ideas to contribute in other creative ways, please mention in the registration form or write to me at  and we will get back to you.

 During the workshop we will spend an hour to talk about this to hear all the views, concerns and challenges that people have about this process. We will  see how we can have dialogue in an NVC way and this will contribute to a live learning situation.




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Filed under Co and Supporting Facilitators for NVC Workshops, Community Building, Conflict Transformation, Gift Culture, NVC, Sociocracy

“Hurt people hurt people, Healed people heal people”

I remember my friend Samara saying this line in a workshop in Findhorn at the New Story Summit. She is working with black communities in US and has a group called Truthworker. They are using arts to resist domination paradigms and create transformations in our world.

This line came alive for me last year when I was working with the NVC Convention prep team in India. There were moments when there were things which were important for me when we were taking some decisions about the convention. When there was some disagreement, I imagined or feared that I will not be heard. I have had such feelings in the past when I have worked with some other groups too. I kind of relived that experience of the same fear i might have experienced in school or in my family which made the situation more intense. There was the issue and the story that I was telling about the issue and the major space was taken by the fear or imagining that I will not be heard.


Unconsciously my fear turned into anger and my expression was seen as lashing out by some people in the team. It makes full sense why they would felt that I was ‘lashing out’, as my response had a strong energy. However I realised that even though I spoke with anger but there were people in the group to hold me in those times, they tried to listen to my concerns which helped them become visible to others. Once I realised that my voice was being heard and I mattered, it made me slow down and even created spaciousness in me which allowed me to listen to others too and to try to understand their world too. Its nice to have some people to hold space in a group in a time of conflict who can hear different expressions without getting triggered. This role can be played by different people at different times.

As group, we all did a lot of hard work and came to understanding what was important for all of us. I have not seen such strong disconnects transform into some kind of common understandings so fast and with such little pain.

In the process I see that some of my stories that I was carrying from my past dropped as we engaged together in a compassionate ways. The one was the fear that I will not be heard, or I dont matter.


I am glad we had conversations about decision making and what is our policy on making decisions in the time of crisis. We were very transparent in our decision making. Besides we were also acting out of NVC space where we were trying to see where the other person comes from. We also used Sociocratic process in proposal forming and getting consent on them and not to move with a  decision till every one is heard. We made the space for hearing objections and the reason’s behind them, once the reasons were heard they were incorporated to change the proposals to make the proposals acceptable to all. The final proposal at times was not the perfect solution from everyone’s perspectives but it was some thing that we all could live by for a certain time frame.

As a result of this one year of working with the NVC convention I sense that I am beginning to heal myself of some of my stories and as a result feeling lighter inside. I would definitely want to be more aware of it and would want self connection next time some thing similar happens. Try to see what is it that I really want, look at if its really in danger or my story is playing some game with me, look around and see that this situation is different from my past situation which created pain. As Marshall says to see every incident as a new born child. If I see a story also try to see the beautiful need behind it and enjoy that need.

Thats one of the story  I was carrying with me, I wish to understand some other stories that I am carrying on my shoulders. 

That will be possible if I can see the world of the people whose actions had caused me hurt in the past, I know thats also hard work but thats where I also believe where the light is.

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Filed under Community Building, Mediation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Sociocracy, Sustainable Living

How to welcome disagreements during collaborations and create spaciousness to hold them!

While I was co-hosting the workshop on intimate relationships – ‘Being Me Loving You’ with Vivet Alevi in Istanbul some interesting learnings came to me. While me and Vivet were sharing feedbacks on the workshop and our roles in it, after the event was over, she pointed out some thing important to me. She said that she  noticed that at times, when I said some proposal and she differed with me and had another opinion, I would quickly drop my proposal and agree with her. According to her that was making her nervous as she would have wanted us to engage on our different opinions, Listen to each other fully and create some thing new from the new from our conversation.


Vivet Alevi, My Cohost for the workshop who was also my mentor…

I realised that a difference on opinion can be turned into a juicy space, especially when we are designing the workshop with enough time in our hand. I too realised and remembered that I had once read that a ‘No’ is not the end but the beginning of a conversation.

I then reflected on my reasons for stepping back when I heard  a ‘No’. Maybe while growing up we have not seen fun and enriching conversation when there was a different opinions between people. The conversations became a ground for ‘I am right and you are wrong’ kind of space, which was also not fun. Maybe I was also seeing us as a senior person as she is a certified trainer and also an assessor, or some one who knows more and giving up as I might have believed that she knows better. Whatever it is one thing that I learnt from her was some kind desire to welcome disagreements and more spaciousness to hold them. Or I could have just been impressed by her argument. But its important that when we collaborate we take time to understand each other full,  thats the etymology of the word collaborate also as ‘co-labor’ or to work together.


I am wishing to enjoy this freedom to engage with differences. More so I have realised that since we come from different places and have different life experiences, so we may see things differently but we can also add richness from our different stories. How can we turn disagreements to a space of wonder and not see the other person with a different opinion as some one who is ‘wrong’.

What are the other reasons for pain coming up when we have different stories. More so what stops us from listening to each other and weaving a new beautiful story from the two stories or the multiplicities of stories. Why do things get polarised. Why does fear and hurt come in, why do we suddenly  have the feeling that we are not being heard and kind of gagged, why does it turn into a near death experience some times and we begin to react strongly.


Why cant we have two different stories at the same time. I guess its easier said than done to say — “let everyone have their own story and let every one live they want to live”. I think because we are living in a world of interdependence and you having a certain story and creating strategies and actions based on that can affect me and my capacity to choose actions based on my stories and vice versa.

Often, when I don’t have the space for the deeper meaning behind my stories to be heard, I even more desperately want to get the world to be the way we want it to be, and my way to do is to tell people that I am right and they are wrong! I think that by making them understand this they will get convinced and give up their story and I can have my way. But we all know that it doesn’t happen like that.  I guess we need to increase our capacity to listen to each one deeply and express our story in  a way that doesn’t threaten other people and instead it can make them see the beauty that is hidden behind our story. I learnt it from Miki Kashtan that in conflict with dear ones, its important to look for the care for me hidden behind what others are saying to me and in the same way let other people hear the care for them behind what I am telling them or am wanting them to do.  I am trying to practice this and its challenging, but when I am able to do it, once in while, I can see how it builds connection and we can create a new story from the two different stories which could have looked like polarities.


In other words when we begin to hear each others stories deeply that creates empathy. Some one once said that Empathy is a high octane fuel to build connection. More so I have realised that when I understand the deeper longing behind the words or actions of the others, and it I also can get in touch with my feelings when I see their needs, then the understanding turns into empathy. More so when the other person is heard I have seen they have more space to hear you. I have seen that some times when I have been able to hold the space we could have dialogues where I was also then fully heard in the end and it was very nourishing. 

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Filed under Conflict Transformation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC), Reflections and Learnings on NVC

Being Me Loving You, Istanbul

Spent two days sharing NVC – ‘Being me Loving You’ with Vivet Alevi in Istanbul. Enjoyed working with her and learnt a lot from her and the group.

Some of my learnings that emerge from the two days are –

# Its important to take time in self connection before you try to empathise with some one in the moment of trigger.

‪#‎Listening‬ to our judgements and meditatively seeing the needs behind them can even transform them into sweet longings. If I go deeper i can even even see why is this need so strong me, it can even take me to some past wound which affects my present experience of the situation. This path of inquiry is an opportunity for me to heal my self from my past wounds.


‪#‎When‬ ‘me’ and ‘you’ are in a conflict with each other, its not just ‘you’ and ‘me’ but a whole plethora of our life experiences involving so many of our interactions which we had with people and the world around us, thats what has made us largely as who we are and how we experience the world. Remembering this fact can stop us from blaming the person and invite us to travel into their world, and have some wonder for their life. It can also open up our hearts and give us our own valuable inner peace in the same situation. Remember we are all different and unique, and yet we have same feelings and needs. If we can get this it will lead open the doors of empathy.

‪#‎We‬ cant change people but work towards creating a field in which people change themselves.

#We have been formed by the stories and narratives of love and relationships we have heard and we keep putting people in those narratives or want them to fit those narratives and when they don’t there is pain. We can try to get awareness of our narratives, and have drishta bhav(the observer sate) towards those narratives.


‪#‎If‬ we want real peace, we need to learn to have loving and caring ‘fights’.

‪#‎Welcome‬ our needs as a special guest and see them as a divine life energy.

‪#‎Surrender‬ from a place of fear is different from surrender from a place of safety and trust. The latter is empowering.

‪#‎Each‬ one of us has our own meaning of words and concepts, its important we slow down to find out what the word means to each of us, especially when we are triggered.

#When I am in a disagreement with some one, thats still liveable, but when i think that the other person is wrong because they think or see differently thats when the disagreements become hurtful and painful for me and for others.


Was also happy to see the deep work that is happening in Turkey with Vivet’s year long program and other offerings. I see a strong NVC community is building up here. Thanks Vivet for including me in your world.

To know more about her see her blog at

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Filed under Event Invites from the past, Mediation, Nonviolent Communication(NVC)